A Backyard Full of Dreams…

Let me get indie on your asses for just a little bit…

Every since I was little I would always find it extremely easy to fall asleep in any moving car. I guess its the constant motion and rocking back and forth that cradled me to sleep. Now as a twenty-two year old  kid I still find it extremely pleasing to pass out in the middle of a long drive. Thankfully, I’m not the one driving. Today, while on a drive to Clairemont and after a sleepless night, I found myself dozing off in the passenger seat while listening to my iPod. As I lay my head against the window, hearing the engine rumble and feeling the seatbelt dig into the right side of my neck, I started to think back on the times I would crawl down off the backseat of my dads old BMW and curl up into a bad on the floor while using the cushion as a pillow. Afterwards, diving deeper and deeper into unconsciousness and the song humming in my ears and thought about other strange places I’ve slept in: the restroom, basket swing, church, school, the mall, and the neighbors bed but then the time I spent the night with aunts in Tijuana, Mexico came into my mind. Why? I dont know. I blame my A.D.D.

It was a hot summer night and I was dying from the heat inside my aunts small, cramped house surrounded by broken washer machines and other pieces of scrap metal contained inside an old wooden fence. I’m not sure how old I was but I was pretty young. We lay in the hot living room drenched in sweat and sticking to the furniture underneath our hot bodies; watching E.T. re-dubbed in Spanish. I remember feeling really tired from the heat when my aunt asked if I wanted to step outside to let the cool air hit my face. I agreed and she led me outside to through the maze of scrap until we stood at the edge of the eroding sidewalk where concrete met the dirt road.

“Can you see the lights?” I remember her asking in Spanish.

Looking up at her then at the walls surrounding us, I replied, “Where?”

“Over there. There are tons of them.”

“I can’t see,” I said,  standing on the tips of my bare feet as if it would actually make a difference to my short stature.

Skyline

Just like that, my aunt swooped down and picked me up in her arms so I could see what she saw. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The far off skyline of Tijuana looked like it was covered in Christmas lights that blink wildly under the black sky. It was like a glowing forest from another planet with rivers of red and white lights flowing through it like blood through my veins. I stared off into the distance with astonishment all over my face. Nothing but lights that appeared to go on forever. Feeling a sense of excitement, I smiled wide and with boldly added, “Can we go there?”

“Of course,” my aunt added.

“Can we go right now?!”

Laughing her sweet giggle, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, “Not right now. It’s almost time for to go to sleep.”

“So!” I replied, “Please!?”

“It’s too late.”

“Can I go?” I turned to my aunt who was still gazing out at the view and wrapped my tiny arm around her shoulders.

“Of course!,” she added. “You can go wherever you want.”

“I’m gonna go there one day and I’m going to live there,” I turned to her again.

Laughing again, she took me down from her hip and we walked back into the warm house.

Everytime I look over the small fence surrounding the perimeter of my backyard I think back to this specific memory and just take in the moment. I suppose this is when my infatuation with living in the center of a big city surrounded by neon lights began. All those years before I told my aunt I’d do something and I’m going to accomplish it. No matter what. Unfortunately, she will never see me move to such a place because she has recently passed away from cancer. All this said, I’m making my dream come true. It might take some time but the words said during that summer night will materialize into a life I owe to her; for showing me the world through her eyes and believing that I could and will do anything I dream of. She was my biggest fan and, unfortunately, I will never be able to personally thank her for believing in my young hopes. This one is for her. My aunt: I love you. Thank you. Goodbye.

-Christian Ivann

Blog best read with Story of the Year’s ‘Sidewalks’ playing in the background.